Decisions that force us to turn in a direction we have long avoided but have always known is right and true.
Decisions that strip us bare and lay our mistakes, imperfections, and vulnerabilities, open to the world.
Decisions that free us from people we've clung to for reasons we are only beginning to understand.
Over time, we have gradually tightened our hearts and minds, our very beings, around the unacceptable, the intolerable, the untenable, the unsustainable, bound ourselves with each successive twist, tried to fill the endless circling grooves of another's needs, supplanted our own needs with the need to soothe and accommodate, and ended up stuck in a forced fit, unbearably uncomfortable, unable to move.
Why we tightened, why we twisted, is for later.
How we loosen, how we untwist, is for now.
Pick up the wrench.
No, I'm afraid.
Pick up the wrench. Start with the handle.
OK . . .
Feel its heft in your hand.
Feels . . .natural . . .
Feel the cool metal against your sweaty skin.
Getting used to it . . .
Welcome back an old friend.
Ahh . . .
You're afraid because the loosening acknowledges the tightening.
Yes . . .
Afraid because the undoing makes the doing real.
Yes!
Now open the mouth to surround yourself.
But . . . I'll be eaten . . .
You will not be eaten.
I'll be broken . . .
The wrench will not break you in its jaws.
O . . . K . . .
The wrench is a tool with a purpose. Use it.
Use it.
Yes, use it to do what you have to do. And when you're done, put it back in your toolbox. Because you never know when you might need it again.
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